Psychologist Gillian Sandstrom has researched the power of small interactions with strangers on our happiness. Key to feeling good is the novelty a surprise exchange adds to our day.
Sandstrom acknowledges the barriers to starting a conversation with randoms, but the advice is to get on with it anyway. The positives far outweigh the potential embarrassment.
My Dad was born with the ability to talk to anyone and given the right circumstances, I may have inherited his gift.
Last summer I crossed paths with a woman walking her dog. Her gold shoes were incredible, a compliment shot out of me without conscious thought – they were that great.
We ended up talking for nearly an hour. She showed me a picture of her granddaughter who had just DJed at Coachella. She walked me through her career in corporate America when she defiantly wore her dreadlocks and prioritized staying true to herself. She shared how she intentionally focused on passing self-love onto her children and how all her grandkids walk into any space knowing they belong. The conversation shifted me. All because I noticed her lovely shoes.
That same week, I struck up a conversation with a woman in her 70s. Her home was in Australia, but every summer she rented the same Brooklyn apartment to create her art. NYC was the place where inspiration was loudest, and she heeded its call.
I often think back to that magical week when I felt primed for connection and these inspirational women found me. Or I found them. We’ll never know.
These are atypical conversations, and most days it’s a smile, or a door held open. But even these brief interludes of reciprocation are enough to give an endorphin jolt.
After listening to many near-death experiences, a common theme that emerges is our interconnection. That feeling of separateness, whether from someone on the other side of the political aisle or from animals or nature, is artificial. We’re all made from the same brilliant, luminous stuff.
So give compliments and thanks freely, and let people get off the train first.
You never know where the gesture will lead you.
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